pioneer

An emptier, fuller life: excerpt from “One Thousand Gifts”

Every sin is an attempt to fly from emptiness.

Simone Weil

Fear & Control are ruined by Patient Trust and Expectant Faith

“To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. So is to trust that something will happen to us that is far beyond our imaginings. So, too, is giving up control over our future and letting God define our life, trusting that God moulds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear. The spiritual life is a life in which we wait, actively present to the moment, trusting that new things will happen to us, new things that are far beyond our own imagination, fantasy, or prediction. That, indeed, is a very radical stance toward life in a world preoccupied with control.” - Henri Nouwen

For this is the will of God

Danette’s rendition of Matthew 9

When Jesus was walking among the throngs of people, he was moved with compassion for them, for they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a loving, guiding shepherd who cared for them. Sheep that had lost their way, and he was grieved. Because his heart was stirred with compassion, he was moved into action. He told his disciples, his friends, “The harvest of souls is ripe for the picking! Please, pray! Ask the Lord to send out dedicated, diligent, spirit-filled workers into to these very places. They are, after all, the Lords harvest fields, and he desires workers to rise up. Count yourselves as his workers! Put your hand to your daily work, as for the Lord, so that all people will see God and glorify him. 

I hate cancer. I hate HIV/AIDS. At work, I move between rooms, from person to person, story to story. I listen to stories about people who were inconveniently interupted from their world-travels, motherhood or blossoming careers by cancer, chemo and symptom management.

I don’t normally do this, but I genuinly apologized to one of my very young patients this week. She was wearing a shirt with a heavy metal band on it, and it hung on her gaunt frame. She looked me in the eyes, “I can’t do this! Please help me!” “I am so sorry. I haven’t been able to control your pain, we don’t know what else to try. I am so sorry.” I wanted to weep. I felt so void of any solution for this woman and her life-sucking pain. 

All I knew was what I would want in that moment. So I held her hand, and we talked about her little boy and his scooter and her birthday when her cancer wasn’t so bad. Lord, please God.  

Compassion. Compassion. Not sympathy. Compassion, eyes that see the heart and hands that are moved into action.  Jesus doesn’t have to apologize for not knowing what to do. He doesn’t lack answers, and he most certainly doesn’t leave us devoid of hope. Dear God, help me. Increase my ability to put compassion into prayer, into action.  My only answer is I need more of Jesus. I can only press into Jesus, he must be my life source. I have been reading Matthew because I want to know what Jesus did in these scenarios. Multiple times, it says, “He traveled, teaching in the synagogs, preaching the good news and healing every disease.” Jesus left the Holy Spirit with us, so that we could carry on his work, as a faithful, effective bride.  So, I have to believe that the Holy Spirit in me is working out the will of God, in small ways.  God, increase my faith for what you can do, remove any blockage in me that would hinder your way, your love.